Fast Paced to Slow Grace
When I was asked to write about being a mom, to be honest, I drew a blank. I was initially excited, and then seconds later I thought, “What am I going to talk about?” Do I talk about the fact that by the time I finished college I didn’t want to be married, let alone have kids? The focus of my life was to be perfect and perfectly fine without a man. I wanted to be a strong, self sufficient woman who didn’t need anything that would weigh her down. I wanted a career, a house, and a few letters in front of my name that were not Mrs. but Dr.
So how do I have a husband and 2 kids? You’ve heard the saying, “God has a sense of humor?” Well, He does. What changed? My heart started to change. I realized that having all the success in the world wasn’t going to fulfill me like my relationship with Jesus. I had a hard time trusting and letting people be too close from my past hurts. Knowledge seemed more reliable than people but I was left feeling empty. I started to heal my wounds by opening my heart to the Lord and being in community with amazing people. I stuck it out even when I felt like leaving when people saw flaws. It helped me become ready for the next season of my life: marriage and motherhood. He knew I needed these beautiful, little crumb crushers in my life. He knew I needed slow grace.
No degree could have prepared me for the career of kids. Being a mom is daily transforming my thought patterns, making me humble, and realizing how much I need the grace of the Father. I am more aware of what I say now more than I ever have. Not only are my thought patterns affecting me; they are affecting my children. You can have all the book smarts in the world, but when your child holds peaches in his mouth for 5 hours and refuses to swallow them or spit them out, what do you do?
Pray, practice holding your tongue (I don’t always do this well), go in another room and laugh/cry and ask for God’s grace. This works for many situations. :) Kids let you know that you don’t have life figured out. It’s ok to not have everything figured out. Motherhood has taken me from fast paced to slow grace. Don’t get me wrong. There are days I’m rushing to get out the door. What I mean by slow grace is that my children are giving me the ability to take things a bit slower and see in ways I haven’t in a long time. The best thing about being a mother has been, being given the gift of seeing things through the eyes of a child. I wanted so much to prove I could be the best grown up by being busy and accomplishing all the things. My kids help me find the joy in slowing down and enjoying the simple things in life.
I won’t forget my little guy’s first steps and the work it took on mine and my husband’s part to help him walk. It was many days of holding his hands and walking with him slowly until he figured out how to do it on his own. It was a process that couldn’t be rushed, and I cherish that time. Holding my son’s hand helped me go slow and not feel like I had to rush everywhere. It has been so refreshing to slow down the pace and be thankful for the ability to walk and take in the scenery.
Being a mother is a learning process. Its a process that I will never have perfected. Being a mother is letting go of the things that don’t really matter and learning to have grace for yourself and your kids. The only person who knows it all is God, and He’s the one I run to when things aren’t working out the way I planned. Some of those plans are better taken at a slower pace anyway.