“Okay, pull over” I said to my friend as we were driving home. I couldn’t even wait until we pulled into our driveway before I burst into tears asking, probably for the one thousandth time at that point. “Why didn’t he say hi to me?”
As she handed me her already prepared tissues, I realized something needed to change. That this was beyond what God had intended for my heart for where my relationship really was with this boy. As hard as I “crushed” is as hard as I felt like my heart broke as I realized I had created in my mind, an unhealthy and out of order relationship.
I’m here to talk about my perspective on soul-ties.
I’m sorry to ruffle the feathers of any Youth Pastor out there warning teens about not tying their soul to another person. Soul-ties, is an over spiritualized concept.
You cannot tie your soul to anyone else’s.
A “soul tie” is actually....an obsession. You’ve formed an unhealthy thought / fantasy / dream and unhealthy attachment in your mind that has created a pathway that leads to destructive thoughts and behaviors.
I GET IT; see example above.
The closest relationship you will have here on earth is a marriage / covenant. “For you leave your mother and father and become one flesh” (Mark 10:8) Not one soul but one flesh. In fact, there is not even marriage in heaven. So if in the highest and closest form of relationship which is marriage you’re not “soul-tied” then what makes us think that it would be possible to be in a relationship outside of marriage.
Your soul was not meant to be tied to anyone elses’. HALLELUJAH. I pray that as you’re reading this and are struggling with this that these words would be freeing to you! That what you thought was going to plague your mind, thoughts and life is actually not.
Jesus died on the cross for you and me so that we can be free.
He wants to offer you a mind and life that is free from obsessed thoughts, mindsets, and unhealthy attachments. He said He came to offer you life and life abundant. Think for a moment or two, are your thoughts regarding another person allowing you live an abundant life?
Man was not created to be alone. But in our growing up, worldly desires and unhealthy concepts on how to build a relationship can enter our minds.
Another person was not created to fulfill you. Relationships are so beautiful when in their proper place and operating in their original design. God can be at the center, not in competition with them, and become an avenue in which we can know Him better.
There are other forms of attachments you can make with a person. Specifically one that the Bible does talk about being made with having a sexual relationship with someone outside of marriage. I won’t be delving into this topic as it’s not my story. However, I know that God is a redeemer of all things and what He uses to heal one thing He will use to heal another, and that is through His Son Jesus.
When relationships become obsession
Since that moment in my life four years ago I’ve been free from that attachment, praise God! I want to share with you ways that I overcame this and how I’ve stayed free.
God is the greatest person in my life. He paid the ultimate price for my freedom. I live to please Him and honor Him in all that I do by taking a very active part in my purity. The protection and the blessings that I’ve experienced because of this decision has made all the difference not only in my life but in the generations to come after me! Long are the days where my obsession over a boy rule my mind and control my worth and identity. I’m far from perfect, but I commit myself to the purity of my mind and body every day.
Tip: Don’t try and do this in your own strength. Self-reliance and self-guidance is honestly what gets us in this unhealthy spot in the first place. Rely on God! Ask Him to guide you. Trust me, He created you and He created them. He knows what’s best.
Crushes are fun...until they crush you, you know what I’m saying?
Having a hard time getting over someone? Over-thinking about them? What obsession / fantasy do you need to let go? The idea of someone? Has your thinking gone beyond where you’re actually relationally with someone? I.E. you are writing your marriage vows and you haven’t even gone to coffee yet.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23–24)
Spend time in God’s presence. Ask God for a word for your specific circumstance. The Bible says that it’s living and active, shaper than any two edge sword, piercing until it divides soul from sprit (Hebrews 4:12). Cut that obsession off with a verse that brings you back to the knowledge of God and what He desires for you.
This is honestly one of my most favorite things to do. I love asking God for a word for my circumstance and every time that a thought comes in my mind (2 Corinthians 10:5) that comes against what God has asked me to do or has spoken over me, I hit it with the Word that God has given me to fight it.
A pure and tethered heart to God is done by small choices being made over and over again.
Do not settle for anything less than the word of God for YOUR life. Everything else you’re believing in that isn’t the word of God is rooted in a lie.
What you’re dealing with is not more powerful than the cross. You just have to say yes and take a step toward Him. Will it be hard to give it up? Yes. Will it take time to heal? Yes. Is God patient? Yes.
You may be reading this and condemnation or shame can set in and you’re thinking Marian I’ve done this, said this, committed myself to this, obsessed over this one, got way ahead of myself in my thoughts and dreams on this one....but hey you, I’m convinced that everything in our life can lead us closer to Jesus if we choose to. When we are real with the junk in our lives like an obsession or an idol, we can give it to God to work through it with us, even if that takes years and tears!
Keep Godly people close
Join a local church if you’re not a part of one. Find someone who will disciple you and keep you accountable to living free. Let them get all up in your grill. I’m so thankful to be a part of a healthy church with a leader that has kept me accountable and out of situations like the example I mentioned at the top of this article. I promise you that there are people out there who have laid down their lives for Jesus that want to walk with you in your journey to purity and wholeness. If you’re already a part of one, tell someone safe! The way to true freedom is honesty. No fluff.
The battle is won with many soldiers working together, not just one. You don’t have to do this alone.
If you don’t know Jesus, I promise, you want to! He’s the greatest friend, comforter and defender. Not only has He already won the battle you’re facing but He was tempted in every way- and yet He did not sin (Hebrews 4:15; Hebrews 2:18). Now that’s someone I want to learn from.
Jesus is the way, the truth and He gives life. Choose Jesus today! If you’ve never said the prayer of salvation to let Jesus into your life, I want to invite you say it (Romans 10:9) and to make the greatest decision ever. It’s way better than any yes or temporal great feeling that a girl or boy can give you! And just like that- the too good to be true God, comes in to be your everything. The relationship you’ve been wanting and needing.
So let’s not wait any minute longer before living the abundant life that God has for you!
The freedom, clarity and the joy that is set before you is WORTH it. Can I say this again? THE CLARITY. This is far better than that person you’re wanting to ask you out, the boyfriend from middle school who broke your heart, or that girl from college that you’ve been mulling over. Jesus Christ is the greatest friend you’ll ever have, your trusted counselor and brave defender who will help you tear these mental strongholds and obsessions that we have let in and built our lives upon.
I can’t wait to hear about what God has spoken to you during your time reading this. Here with you cheering you on!